BECAUSE HE USED YOU FOR FUN AND SEX. BUT HE REALLY DOES LOVE HIS WIFEHow can a man who shared so much love and passion with mistress stay in his marriage?
men who have an affair can usually compartmentalize the situation in their minds, basically switch in and out of the modes they need to be in to be the person they need to be in the situation. They can be attentive and loving husbands when at home, and exciting passionate lovers when with their mistress. Eventually compartments become too hard to maintain. Especially when one or the other compartmentalized part of thier life begins to suspect the other part, or in your case demand that he give up one of them.
If a man leaves his wife for another woman, especially a woman who is cheating on her own husband, he is a social outcast, and has taken up with someone who, like him, has already demonstrated a willingness to cheat instead of demand changes in the marriage they are in.
If children are involved, its common for a man to want to give up his mistress to keep his children.
the life of a man who leaves his family for another woman is pretty grim. society does not like such a man, and never fails to exact a very high emotional price for this behavior.
Sorry to tell you this so coldly, I know there are many reasons why people cannot stand to be in their marriages, and we do not provide a mechanism for people to leave an unhappy marriage that isn't painful for all concerned. It's a shame really, that we continue to promote an institution that fails half its participants so badly that they actually leave, and another half of the people who stay seem to be miserable.
So marriage seems to be about a 25% chance of leading to a happy life. hmmmmm
I won't jump on the bandwagon and berate you for what happened. Life happens and I follow ';Judge not, lest you be judged';. Affairs are never, ever easy and rarely turn out as a happily ever after.
You don't say whether you and your husband were happy before this affair occurred, or if it just happened for whatever reason and you two just fell into a pattern. If an affair started, there was something amiss way before it happened, whether anyone owned up to it or not.
It may be religious reasons, it may be financial, it may be that he is scared or realized that he truly didn't want to lose what he has with his wife. A million reasons and only he can provide your answer.
I feel what you are going through. I wish you much and hope you heal and learn. You figured out that there is still love and passion. Only YOU can make it work in your marriage as a partner with your husband or do the fair thing and let your husband go.
Something like this is really complicated. It may have been really amazing for you but for him it could have been just a fling. He obviously still wants to be with his wife. And if that's who he choose you have to respect that. Obviously he doesn't deserve you. All you can do is move on and whatever you do don't look back because if he did it once he'll do it again and you deserve much more than that. You said that you are married to maybe its time to stop running from that relationship. If you want to end it, then end it but do it for yourself not for some man.
GOOD LUCK
in whatever you do
Hello, I am in a very similar position to yourself. I have been with my lover for almost two years. We have discussed numerous times what we are going to do, to continue, stop or for him to leave, but we always just continue. Now it is heading towards a decision moment again, and this time I'm sure it really will be. I am reading your words and looking at the answers that people send, and it is clear that they have no idea at all what they are talking about and have no compassion at all. Do you know that he has really told his his wife? Are you really sure? If he has cut you off, it can be for many reasons, to make a go of it with her, without your relationship blurring the lines, she may have ordered him not to contact you (if she really now knows about you) and they may be working through the reality of the adultery together, to make a decision about what to do. etc etc.
First off, please know that it is taking everything in me not to be extremely rude to you about this.
His wife is probably wondering how a man who shared so much love and passion for probably a whole lot longer than a year could have had a mistress.
You should take this as a hint that you need to work on the marriage you are in. Both of your spouses deserve better. Be happy for him that he finally figured it out.
First of all you used each other for sex and passion. However there is a lot more to life than that. Even animals have more to their lives than humping one another when they are together. A good relationship has emotional involvement, sharing the same likes and dislikes, talking about common interests, and on and on. Sex is not all their is to love.
I commend you for your honesty. But, wow! you committed adultery with a married man and you are married too.....this is the world in which we live in, the moral decay of the institution of marriage! What ever happened to respect, dignity, honesty and loyalty to your mate that you vowed a lifelong commitment to? Whatever happens to you emotionally, mentally, spiritually, remember these truthful words ';We reap what we sow!';
Because you were the mistress.
Period.
Now you are stuck looking stupid because you put everything on the line for a man who was someone elses husband ...while you were someone elses wife.
You're not the first...nor the last woman to be fed the lines he fed you.
He has had his fun with you and now he is trying to save his marriage.
My suggest is to follow his example.....tell your husband about the affair and decide if you want to continue being married. Sounds like YOU don't...so let him be free to find a wife who will be faithful to him.
I have never heard of a situation like this having a happy ending....cheating and affairs that is. Not to say that it never happens....but I have yet to witness it.
I really hope all works out for you. Whatever happens please seek some counseling and start loving yourself a little more.
Perhaps he takes the ';till death do us part'; thing seriously and decided to straighten up his act and return to cleaving only unto her again. Perhaps he has kids he's unwilling to leave. Perhaps he owes his career and style of living to her and/or her family and is unwilling to leave that. Why are you surprised that someone who cheats on a spouse would breach someone else's trust as well?
While it was amazing and passionate for you, it could well have been just amazing sex to him. Men can go through the motions and tell you what you want to hear if it's an ends to a mean. He did his fling and instead of breaking up two marriages, he probably realized what he has with his wife (i.e. house, car, dog, 100% of his income, kids?, love?, etc.) was not worth losing over the amazing sex he was having with you.
Now work on your own marriage.
I think that if you're not happy in a relationship, then why be in it? End it! You shouldn't cheat on your spouse. It's wrong! That being said, you were nothing to him but a piece of a**. Did you really expect something to come out of this? For crying out loud, you are two married adults sneaking around like kids. Neither his wife nor your husband deserve either one of you.
I would imagine that he feels guilty, and then there are economic reasons as well. Sometimes love isn't enough. I guess all you can do is try to remember the good times, and try not to get too down on yourself about it. It's always risky business being in your situation.
The only one that can answer your question is your former lover.
I can speculate that maybe the responsibility to his wife outweighed his passion for you.
But it would just be speculation. The answer you seek lie in that man not here. Only he knows the reason why he did what he did.
Just maybe..
You showed him how to love so he knew he did wrong with his wife. Now he would practice what he learned from you with his wife.
Why not with you? He might be afraid that once you can leave your current relationship, you might do it again to him.
The answer is simple. He wanted sex and passion from you. But remember, he will NEVER love you the way he loves his wife (unless he is not in love with her anymore). Maybe he finally came to his sense and realized how much he loves her. Just let it be.
Because you were just a game to him. He lied to get what he wanted, you gave it to him and now hes done with you. Karma's a B**** hun. Quit screwin around with married men and tend to you own marriage.
It is clear as a crystal water,that he never even think to leave his wife.He only enjoy to be with you.There are thousands of men doing the same thing with women; around planet earth.Good question.
My guess is that it was only passionate because it was naughty. He has a life built around his relationship with his wife and prefers if over the fling he had with you.
Maybe he realized he loved his wife more. I'm surprised his wife forgave him. What both of you did was wrong. How shameful.
he is trying to do the wright thing so u need to do nthat to when somone hits you to the cub hit him!
You scared him off by saying you wanted to be with him full time. He was just looking for some fun in the hay.
He chose to work things out with his wife.
Only if things dont work out would he leave.
...Money and social status. (Follow the money and you'll find the desire of ';his'; heart)
This is an old story.
Stop messing with married men. Find your own man!
he is a two-timing SCUM BAG
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