Is divorce more traumatizing for kids than a bad marriage?

I'm 39 yr old with two kids, 6 %26amp; 5, my marriage is kind of rocky, lots of differences and arguments between us. I keep getting mix advices about it, family says stay together and work it out, friends say split up, what do you all think?Is divorce more traumatizing for kids than a bad marriage?
When i was 6 my parents got a divorce, and i have never had much a relationship with my father ever since (in like 20 years).. their divorce was horrible for me, BUT now that i am older i realize that it was better for them.. if there is violence in the marriage, then that is bad for the children. children look up to their parents and their parents relationships and base all of their relationships in the future off of their parents, whether they want to or not. I have had severe trust issues with men because of my father cheating on my mother. i think either way is hard for a child, but without knowing all of the circumstances in your relationship it is hard to make the call.





do what YOU feel is right, and your children will understand one day. just please keep reinforcing to your children that it is NOT their fault, as a child i always felt like my father left me, that i did something wrong and was the reason why he left!!Is divorce more traumatizing for kids than a bad marriage?
It depends. I always thought yes, but some of the info I've read has actually said that divorce can be worse than the parents not getting on so well.





So it depends on the extent of the bad marriage, and of course the nature of the divorce. If there's loads of fighting, yes, the kids would probably prefer a separation without that. But if you guys can seem okay in front of the kids and do the rest in private, maybe staying together for a while would be worth it.





It also depends how bad the divorce would be. If it could be easily sorted with input from the kids on where they will live, and nothing dragging on through the Courts, that could work well. By contrast if it gets nasty and the lawyers are going at it for years, that's probably worse.





Given the age of the kids, I would say probably best to split. Often people who patch things up find they can't last until the kids are 18, and a divorce for a child at age 12 can be more traumatic than age 6, or they last until literally the minute the youngest kid turns 18 and then things just explode.





Harriet
I know I think differently than most but i personally think a bad marriage is by far the worst thing for kids, vs. a divorce. Divorce is hard, yes. It takes a while to get used to and is not good for kids, however living with unhappy parents who are in a miserable marriage, watching and learning their actions towards each other (i.e. yelling, disrespecting, adultery, etc) is worse. Not only will these kids grow up with anxiety and other issues, but they will learn to treat their significant others and possibly their kids that way as well.
I've been concerned about this myself, and I think the answer is in how the divorce goes. Both my husband and I are from divorced homes, and I think we turned out just fine. My family life after the divorce was the same as before the divorce, but with less fighting. I still have nightmares about my parents fighting, so I would say the marriage was more traumatic for me than the divorce. But my parents split on decent terms, and thought of us first before how they felt about each other. They were even separated for a time and we didn't even notice because of the way they did it. I was 13 when they divorced, btw. My sister was seven, my brother was six.
It's better that you split. The kids grow up in a family of dislike and hatred with unloving parents. If that's the case. then they grow in there own relationship they will not know any different. And there relationships are doomed. They will not know how to show or feel love. You have to see and feel it to know it.
Divorce can have a profound effect on children. It's impossible to add up the amount of loss children of divorce experience as their families and households are systematically taken apart and divided. However, there are a few ways to reduce the effects of divorce on children.





Read more tips here;
I am 13. My mom wants to separate from my dad. I think this would be a positive thing in my life. My mom is not exactly a good MOM.


I barely even see her..





So it depends. If your children are really attached to their mother and really love her, then it would be more traumatizing than if they weren't around her that much. It probably won't be easy to understand at such young ages. My dad thinks in a rough relationship, you


should either fix it or end it.. what ever you're willing to do.
it can be.


the kids go from having both parents in the home full time to only having one parent at home and having to visit the other for the weekend.


what makes it easier for them is if the parents can end things amicably.
Yes because you have a continued sense of loss and emptiness then can never be fulfilled. My parents divorced when I was 8 and my brother and I have never been the same since.